I always have and always will love theatre, specifically musicals. I’ve always loved singing and dancing, but acting has often arisen as a sore subject for me. It’s funny, actually, considering such a large part of something I love so much can so easily discourage me. Anytime I’m in a position to receive criticism for it, constructive or otherwise, I find myself word vomiting, “I’m really sorry… see I love theatre, but I’m really bad at acting, so I’m really sorry. I’m not good at acting, I know I’m bad, I’m sorry.”
Maybe it’s because I focused more on singing, dancing, writing, and doing makeup growing up, but the biggest part of theatre makes me word vomit apologies? I’ve been told I have such a big personality, so why do I shut down when it comes to acting? It doesn’t make sense.
Even with my best friend Ansley telling me I really wasn’t doing as bad as I thought at becoming a grandma, I found myself saying, “I’ve accepted I’m not good at acting. I know,” when that wasn’t what she was telling me at all.
What I was doing was responding to what I assumed my friends meant, rather than responding to the words coming out of their mouths. One day, acting was brought up in a conversation between my brother and me, and I went on my whole word vomit rant about how awful I am.
Guess what he said.
“The only reason you’re ever actually bad at acting is because you’ve convinced yourself you are.”
Ouch.
After that conversation, I really started thinking. I realized I’ve made a habit of responding to constructive criticism and compliments the same way I did acting. Instead of thanking the person, I’d flip the compliment their way to avoid addressing their words... or I’d just deny it completely.
“You’re so pretty!” someone would say.
“No, that’s you!” I’d respond.
What’s wrong with thank you?
Lately I’ve been working on gratitude. If someone takes time to tell you something nice, you can take the time to thank them. Last month I got highlights in my hair, and although they were subtle, I’ve never gotten my hair color altered in any way before, so it was a big deal to me. I made sure that anyone who told me they liked my hair, I said, “Thank you,” because I did too.
Now, I will say it’s a lot easier to say thank you when you believe what they’re telling you, so maybe there’s more to it than that example. However, saying, “Thank you,” to the sensitive topics helps you learn to appreciate them. Saying, “Thank you,” is a start to accepting your progress.
Am I going to become the best actress ever because I learned how to thank people? No, I’m not, but I’m going to start accepting myself for where I am, not beating myself up for it. After all, you can’t grow if you’re stuck in the mud.