I’m the kind of person who loves getting things right on the first try, and I know I’m definitely not alone here. I can honestly say I love sketching and creating visual art, but I often have very little patience when it comes to overarching growth. I get so scared that I’ll fail that with many things, I don’t think it’s worth it to try. I’d rather stick to what I know I’m good at. That makes sense, right?
Well actually, wrong.
The biggest problem there is that some things that I have to do, and more often than not, those are the experiences that have taught me to trust the process.
If you love makeup like I do, you probably think about that phrase in the context of creating a beautiful eyeshadow look. If you love poetry like I do, you probably think about that phrase in the context of writing a piece worthy of pride. If you’re a Christian like I am, you might think about becoming more like Jesus every day and having to rely on God for that.
The point is that everyone at some point has to either learn to trust the process or struggle through the experience. My 11-year-old cousin Kara saw this in my most recent Youtube video (linked below) while trying to follow my eyeshadow tutorial. She was using the same products, the same brushes, and the same face, but she got so frustrated trying to do exactly what I did.
Why? Because I’m 17 and have been doing eyeshadow six years longer than she has. For me, it’s muscle memory. I’ve had my own makeup journey and she tried to jump into my shoes. When I was watching Kara recreate my “simple smokey eye,” I couldn’t help but think of a certain Jaclyn Hill look I attempted to create when I was in 8th grade.
This is what I was trying to do.
This is what I did.
Let’s just be honest: that is so discouraging. However tragic that recreation was though, I kept trying because I loved makeup. So, a year later (9th grade) I tried that same eye look again, and while it wasn’t a perfect recreation, it was so much better.
LOOK AT THAT GROWTH! I could still critique so much about this attempt, and I promise if I did it now (11th grade) it would be even closer to my goal.
I gave an eyeshadow example because that’s what Kara made me think of, but trusting the process is so relevant in every part of our lives. In context of I Feel Pretty and being a teenager, I think about learning to love myself and others.
I remember when I was wallowing in self-loathing as a little 5th grade girl, I wondered why it was taking me so long to just get over myself. I wondered why I couldn’t just snap my fingers and not hate myself. I didn’t understand the process. Leaving kind notes on my mirror every day was a step. Forgiving myself for not wearing makeup all the time was a step. Accepting my naturally curly hair (when all my friends have straight hair) was a step. Writing poetry is a step. Complimenting others was a step. Learning to not be ashamed about what I’m passionate about was a step. Doing this project is a step.
Much like many other things, self-improvement and self-acceptance are a part of a widespread spectrum.
It’s okay if right now you dread summer because you don’t want to wear a swimsuit. It’s okay if right now you’re in a slump. It’s okay if right now, you feel like there’s nothing to learn within your current circumstance. It’s okay if right now, you stare in the mirror and don’t like what you see. I’ve been there. We all have. Sometimes, I’m still there.
You’re growing. You’re improving. You’re a part of a process. I’m telling myself this as much as I’m telling you. Take a deep breath and take a few steps.